He stood at the threshold of my home office on the way to the front door and said, “I’ll be back later to pick up ‘B’ from daycare. I’m off to have lunch with ‘M’ and then we’re going to play golf. I’ll see you later. I love you.” “Ok, have fun. I love you too” was all I could utter. The door closed behind him and that’s when the rage welled up inside me like a volcano about to erupt. It started with a slow boil and then it picked up intensity to the point of me not being able to control myself – slamming my hands down hard on the desk I was sitting behind. Repeating the slamming of my hands, I was unable to articulate in the moment what I really wanted to say. But you can bet your bottom dollar that was the true expression of what I was feeling. “How dare he go ‘play’ when I’m the one sitting here, working, providing for our family, paying all the bills, carrying the burden and the load while he just comes and goes as he pleases!” That’s what I was thinking. That’s what I was feeling. That’s what I wanted to say, but I didn’t. Or not at least when it needed to be said – before the damage had been done, time and time again. This seemed to be a recurring, and ever-increasing theme in my life. I would get into situations and scenarios and would mute my voice. I wouldn’t know what to say, or how to say something, so I’d stuff it down. Another situation would arise and I’d pack another unexpressed emotion down on top of the last, then pile on some more to keep it packed down tight, creating a truly explosive container – without even knowing it. Ever experienced this for you? Perhaps you were the one in the situation feeling all that and not expressing? Or maybe you were on the receiving end of the eruption once the dam finally burst and the volcano finally unleashed? Because yes, darlin’…the levee DOES eventually break and the volcano MUST eventually erupt. And the carnage from this level of occurrence isn’t pretty, and it certainly isn’t comfortable or kind to anyone.
Regardless of where you might be, or where you may have been, are you in the place right now of being 100% confident in your ability to express yourself fully, no matter your audience, your venue or your situation? I invite you to stay tuned in the coming days as it’s my desire to not only continue sharing this true story, but to provide some clarifying possibilities for you, some tools and a way to resolve this type of un-expression for you in your own life. And even if you aren’t the one having challenges expressing, perhaps you can assist someone in your life who does, by having this information? WIN – WIN! Until next time, gorgeous... XO, Rho
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