I had the distinct privilege to sit in a room full of women strangers this weekend, coming together for the common cause of eradicating unkindness among us.
There was every race, color, faith, age, size and sexual orientation represented. It truly was a breathtaking group of women from all over. As I sat and observed the tapestry of the diversity represented in the ballroom, I could feel the palpable discomfort of so many. Those that didn't know a soul, or that didn't necessarily like the feeling of having to stretch their comfort zone to meet someone new and unfamiliar, much less multiple times over. I could sense the internal dialogue of so many that whispered, "Am I good enough? What if they don't like me?"
Although we were there in common sisterhood for the same cause, there was still so much uncertainty under the surface for so many. Yes, the smiles were plastered on our faces and the hands outstretched in warm introductions, but the facade said, "That's far enough, don't look or come any closer, lest someone pick up the scent of fear, insecurity or questionable worthiness."
It's like this worldwide, not just in the confines of this particular upscale ballroom during this particular weekend. We're more alike as women than we'll ever be different. Sure, we look different and we talk differently, have different backgrounds, experiences and nuances to us that make us individually unique, but at the heart of every one of us as women is the spirit of our little girl. And our little girls are all cut from the same beautifully gilded cloth - from the perfect source creator. Yet, these little girls often heard, witnessed, felt or experienced repeatedly in our lifetime, "You don't matter, you're not good enough, you are to be seen and not heard, you're too much, you need to be quiet, you can't do that (you can't be that), you were a mistake, you weren't wanted, you're the cause of our unhappiness, you're the reason we're poor, you're the reason he/she left, you're the weaker sex, you made me do it, you're the reason I do inappropriate things to you," and the list goes on. WAY on.
And while many of us have done copious amounts of inner work, therapy, coaching, counseling, reading, healing, seeking, praying, forgiving, trying to forget, moving on, many of us still carry the deeply embedded wounds that seem to have become our natural order. Many of us have "spiritually bypassed" the pain and the hurt by attempting to "give it to the creator" to handle for us. If this is you, you must be willing to do some more work for yourself. These "life lesions" on our hearts and souls may lay dormant and silent for many years, but eventually, the unhealed wounds and sores of the past will show themselves like a petulant child refusing to be ignored.
It may manifest in illness, chronic conditions, irrational behaviors, isolation, withdrawal, self-harm, self-loathing, self-hatred, self-medication and so many other possibilities, often an eventual early death sentence. As much as this behavior may hurt others who are part of your life or in your families or communities, the one it hurts the most, the most profoundly, and is the most detrimental to, is to ourselves. It's a compounding effect. The incident or the
experience may have happened more than 5, 10, or 50 years ago, but if we never acknowledged the infliction of pain or harm, whether obviously blatant or subtly and stealthly, and we never gave it a voice, and we never released it from the cellular memory locked in our body, then the incidence of infliction of harm still resides.
Like an infection, it not only resides, it grows, spreads and gains ground, eventually becoming so pervasive that it's the driving force in your life, not the natural and original nature of your kind soul, or your compassionate and loving heart. Those are of course still part of you, but now imagine they're wearing armor - and it's ill-fitting, heavy, burdensome and it causes a level of discomfort that's almost indescribable.
This isn't meant to dishearten you, dear sister. Not even close. This is meant as a trumpeting call to action - for you to know that now is the time to take back you, your heart, your inner child, your divine birthright as a feminine force unparalleled in the universe and to do whatever it takes to reclaim Y-O-U. What I'd like you to know is this: the experiences you have had along your journey are there as part of your integral and interwoven fabric now, and they can be the source of some of your greatest victories in the future. If you witness them now, acknowledge them,speak love and light into the festering dark spaces of them and then release them to become something new and generative, you will learn just how truly powerful and capable you are as a feminine leader in the world. Not just anyone could have gone through and endured what you did and still be sitting here today, still moving forward, still being willing to live, learn and love another day.
Though you may feel crippled, or broken, I assure you that you are not. You are merely in your state of slumber and now is your time to wake from that slumber, to rise up, and to become whomever you truly desire to be - without apology.
I encourage you to utilize the questions I have here below for you to consider while you seek the most direct, pure path to healing that which is still causing you harm, Sister, you may not be able to go this route alone, in fact, I don't encourage you to. As those of us in the personal development and healing arts know, "We must feel it and reveal it to heal it." And that is often something that is best suited for a professional, or highly qualified safe and sacred individual that can assist you in true transformation, rather than inflicting further harm, damage or pain.
Please feel free to reach out to me if you have questions, or be willing to find any number of resources throughout the world that feel most resonant to you right now, but know this, "You ARE made for so much more than this and when you are ready, you can and will change everything that no longer serves your highest and greatest good." In the meantime, may this message and the enclosed tools empower you to know that you are not alone, and that we as a collective, have so much more in common than you might ever be able to imagine.
In a quiet space, I invite you to sit in stillness, turning off all devices, turning away from all distractions and grab your journal or something to write on and a pen. Get comfortable, but not so much that you'll drift out of being present with what you want to learn in these next few moments. Bring attention to your breathing. Close your eyes. With your tongue gently resting against the roof of your mouth, start to inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth in the following rhythm: Inhale for 3 slow counts, hold it for 3 counts, then exhale for 5 slow counts. Repeat several times. Relax your shoulders, your jaw and your spine. Any tension you are holding onto or anything that you are stressed about can be let go of and set aside for the next few minutes.
Allow yourself the full scope of being able to relax and be here in this moment right now. Nothing else matters more than you getting in touch with what's going on inside of you. After several rounds of your breathing, notice how you're feeling and where your thoughts are. Are you here now? Or still thinking about something or someone else? If so, keep breathing and commit to yourself that you're going to take this time for you. Nothing else matters. As you find yourself more present, more calm and having a greater sense of stillness, I invite you to ask yourself the following questions, and when asking, trust the instantaneous whisper/sense/answer you pick up on - no second-guessing or backtracking. The first and fastest result you get is what is best to follow and be sure to keep breathing throughout:
1. Truth, is there any unresolved pain, hurt or emotional residue within me that I'm now ready to resolve and release? (Listen or sense for your "yes" or your "no" and trust whatever shows itself - including tears.)
2. If so, truth, is this something I can achieve on my own? Or is assistance required?
3. If on my own, what is required? How can I best contribute to moving this with grace & ease?
4. If not, what guidance would my spirit like for me to have and know at this time?
5. Is there any part of me unfulfilled or unaddressed at this time?
6. If so, what is it? What can I do about it and how can I best address?
7. What possibilities are available to me that I've never been willing to consider?
8. What essence of me am I willing to allow to show up greater now as a result of honoring me in this moment?
9. What kindness and compassion with me is required for me to continue to show up greater?
10. What else is available to me now as a result of me honoring the truth and the divinity of me?
These are just a few starting, yet powerful questions to begin to use to get more present, clear and direct with yourself. As always, I am here to work and facilitate with you for greater clarity and progress, as are numerous other coaches, healers, teachers and counselors. For now, lean into yourself, dear one, and do the inner work necessary to free yourself from any self-created prisons, then go out into your communities, tribes, circles, friends and be the example of healing, love, light and possibility. The world needs your brand of self-love and self-expression more than ever. That next ballroom or facility is waiting for you to walk into, head held high, smile at extra wattage, heart wide open and a true willingness to reveal the depth and breath of you. Damn, you're beautiful. I can't wait to see you shine.
With all my heart - XO,
For professional assistance, please contact Rhonda via email at: firstname.lastname@example.org. Rhonda Burns is an Expression Mastery Coach, Intuitive Life Catalyst and spiritual alchemist. Her soul's desire and purpose is to lead you and introduce you back to you - allowing you to live and thrive from and as true self-trust, self-love and boldly embodied self-expression.
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