It rolled up on the house like a leviathan.
A massive yellow creature with jaws of steel and a noise level that not even the drivers' protective ear gear could dull out.
As I sat on my couch, plunking away at the keys on my laptop, I stopped mid-stroke and felt my body tense.
"What in the......", I whispered to no one in particular.
"Oh no you're NOT!" I thought to myself a few seconds later.
"XYZ Tree Service Specialists" was in the hood and they had their sights fixed on the gorgeous oaks standing steadfast out front of my sweet little townhouse.
I felt my body tense, the knot in my stomach increasing as I clenched my muscles and held my breath. "Nooooooo", I thought to myself.
They can't screw with my trees! They are the playgrounds to the cardinals and the blue jays that visit me every day as I stare out my office window. They sway in the breeze, or move in cadence with the driving wind/rain on those blustery days, and they hold steady in such a welcoming way all the time.
These beauties nurture me. And all the guests that pass through my doors, or those that drive by if they slow down long enough to even notice them.
Oh ok, maybe I'm the only one who speaks with the trees, the plants, the grass, the whole of nature, or is willing to admit just how much they nurture me, my spirit, and my body. But it doesn't matter, because they matter to me.
They aren't just ornamental decoration to adorn the neighborhood and have it be aesthetically pleasing to the eye; they are contributions beyond the human eye, and they penetrate and permeate in ways I sometimes cannot even comprehend. They just do.
So, much to my surprise, as I sat here clenching my body, the chaos writhing inside from the thought they might be here to destroy them in some way, I caught my snap and realized I was RESISTING the natural flow of what "is". It isn't my job to control anything.
Resistance hurts. It doesn't feel good. It isn't my natural state and it doesn't actually work for me. So instead of punisishing my body with the stress I was choosing in that moment (I went from 0 to 60 in 5 seconds flat without ever asking a question), I breathed deeply into my belly.
On my next inhale, I spoke to the trees, to nature, to the universe, wherever the words would land...."I know all is well and it isn't for me to say what's required in this moment, so would you please take care of yourself and I trust that it will be the way it is intended. I know you aren't resisting and I won't either. If I can contribute in any way, consider it done. Thank you."
The stress immediately loosened from my body. My shoulders dropped. My breathing evened out and got deeper. My mood lightened. And then, with true curiosity instead of scorn, I could watch the workers descend on the trees like locusts.
And then I smiled. Rather than come to decimate them, or prune them to within an inch of their lives, they simply gave them a quick trim. Snip snip. Clip. Saw. Bim - Bam - Boom...DONE! Well, that was easy.
The laughter surprised me when it snuck out of my mouth. Ooops! I'd assumed the worst in a given moment and created all this negative, yuck in my world in that moment and it felt like shit; when all that was really required was for me to be present with what I was experiencing.
Then it hit me.
SO much has changed for me. Sure, I know it, and I coach based on it, speak to audiences about it, facilitate others utilizing the growth and the tools, yet I acknowledged in that particular moment that there was a time when I wouldn't have been able to feel into my body that clearly or quickly what I was physically feeling because I once stayed so disconnected or insulated from feeling ANYTHING.
And there was the majority of my life where I thought it was my lot in life to attempt to control EVERYTHING. And of course there was the space I functioned from where I felt like when things didn't go according to my plan, my will or my wants that I was a victim and the world was just against me. Or that it was cruel, harsh and just plain mean. (Judgment, judgment, judgment).
Good gravy, I'm so damn glad I don't function there any more. I'd like for you to know that you don't have to function in any way that no longer serves you anymore either. Change doesn't have to be hard, or take a long time. Take it from me. Been there, done that and I keep doing it every single day.
Want change? Ask yourself what it will take for you to have it. Then listen to the trees. To the birds. To the universe. The cues and clues are all around. But here's the deal: you have to be willing to be present with your body and you have to be willing to get out of your own way. If I can assist in any way, showing you a few tricks and tools, don't hesitate to let me know!
Until then, I'm going to go out and hug my trees. Yeah, I'm "THAT" girl. And it sure feels good.
Here's to feeling good, no matter what it looks like, friends.